Avadhuta Gita
Adesh, Adesh,
On a Sunday afternoon, two days after Guru Purnima, July 1991, after a gloriously intense ritual honoring Guru Mahendranath at a place called Syn Dhuni and a day spent reading the English translation of the Avadhuta Gita by Shree Purohit Swami and edited by S. Mokashi-Punekar (Munshiram Manoharlal Publishers) in the company of Lalitaji, I was struck by a direct transmission of the entire text of the Avadhuta Gita. My consciousness was rendered completely split by the experience. At once I was still, yet I could completely attend to the sound of my housemate and guru brother Shri Kapilnath listening to Star Trek, The Next Generation on the television in the next room.
The clarity of that dichotomy amplified the importance of the experience. At once I was Here and yet There. The There was a vision of wintertime trees and sky, and the completely chilly dispassionate feeling that everything you know is Wrong, and the Ego response of “please don’t say all my practice/life is wasted”. I was bankrupt in a millisecond. Everything I had thought of as useful was utterly useless, irrelevant…Kaput! The emotional panic of that realization was quickly followed by the corresponding understanding, …that all of my Fears of failure or other mishap, were equally Irrelevant, cosmic pause…..emptiness …. I was inherently Free!
Curiously, I had stumbled upon the answer to a question of many years yearning, yet the answer was startlingly Alien in texture from the expectations I had previously imagined. The transmission had the lack of sentiment of a transmission from a complete Uberlord 108 eyed Alien from another galaxy. From this experience, I was left with the idea that much of my sentimental human concept of “Freedom” was false… but all was not lost, because my worry and likely most other mortal’s misconceptions were equally irrelevant, and so equally without karmic worry.
The paradox was liberating. At that moment, at a deep level, I was free from the snares of expectation. This transmission had the vibrational signature of Guru Mahendranath all over it. I was in a zombie-like emotional zero state for a week afterward, but also very liberated… again more paradox. I set out to make plans to visit Mahendranath in India, to ask his opinion on my recent experience with the Avadhuta Gita. Ah, but this is another story. Let me instead emphasis that the Avadhuta Gita is my talisman. It stands in equal to the I Ching.
Guru Om,
